


leave us here a little bit longer

by SNES



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M, Past Lee Jeno/Huang Ren Jun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-28
Updated: 2018-11-28
Packaged: 2019-09-01 19:49:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,874
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16771717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SNES/pseuds/SNES
Summary: "I do-- Nana, I just-- I never--" and suddenly Jeno's voice is wavering too. "I never want you to be sad because of me.""But I always am." Jaemin says without hesitance. "Because of you."****The last walk by the shore of Jeno and Jaemin's senior year.





	leave us here a little bit longer

  
It's the night before their senior graduation when Jaemin hears a knock on his apartment door. His lights are off. Anyone in their right mind would assume he was already sound asleep.

He doesn't answer it the first time, but the second knock sounds a lot less forced. There are small mutters of his name coming from outside, the fading sound of a familiar boy standing out even in his dazed post-wake stupor.

He gazes at his desk clock, eyeing the red block numbers before he finally realizes: It's 1:39 a.m. and this is entirely uncalled for.

He's filled with the dread of having to finally move forward to the next stage in his life; of having everything change before he would even have the chance to realize it, of having to accept the fact that in a day or two, he will have to be a completely different person all for the sake of adjustment. Tomorrow's the moment, tomorrow's the day that it'll finally be real, but suddenly he's brought back to the past; all because he had to deal with _this_.

No one else in the world would sneak up to knock on his apartment in the dead of night. No one else but Lee Jeno.

It hasn't occured in so long that Jaemin almost misses it. _Almost_.

He gives himself a second before he sits up and dashes out of his room, still wrapped in his blanket. It takes him a long time before he gathers the urge to finally open the door.

And there was Jeno, dark bags under his eyes. He's wearing a light sweatshirt and an uncharacteristic cloud of dread beneath him, but he glimmers under the pale white moon shine, tame and beautiful in all his painstaking glory.

Jaemin can't find it in himself to say anything, but he knows he doesn't have to. The older boy speaks before him and snaps him out of his trance a little abruptly.

"Uh, Nan-- I mean-- Jaemin. Hey, uh-- let's-- I mean-- we could... ah, _fuck_ \-- we should, like, go somewhere." He starts.

"What the fuck," is all he says. This is what he gets after months of having to handle all the mixed signals the older boy has sent him before completely shutting him out. _We should, like, go somewhere_. Jaemin is dumbfounded by it. Jeno didn't even say sorry or hello to him first, not in the very least. "Um, just what? Jeno, what the--"

"I'm sorry, okay?" Jeno mumbles. "Just come with me, please."

"I'm not sure I--"

"Jaemin, we're graduating tomorrow."

"Exactly!" He raises his voice. "So why do you have to pull this with me now of all times?"

Jeno doesn't answer. The younger boy thinks he didn't really plan this all the way through, but either way he starts heading back inside to grab his jacket and switch from his lion-patterned pajamas to some saggy jogging pants. He comes back later with his phone. Jeno's face lights up.

"You--"

"This better be quick, Lee Jeno." He tugs on his jacket, pulling on the strings. "I don't want to be late for our graduation."

And that's how Lee Jeno successfully persuades him to agree to a little walk by the shore. It's a short distance from Jaemin's apartment but he feels like the time it'll take to get there could take longer than it usually does (mostly because it's dark, and because Jeno likes to take it slow so that he can 'admire the sights'). Jeno leads him to the backseat and straps a red helmet on his head.

"Should we go?" The older boy whispers.

"We're not waiting for anyone aren't we?" Jeno smiles at his comment. Jaemin feels like he's brought back to five months ago, when they were still comfortable around one another. Perhaps, the confession he made to Jeno that ensued from Jaemin's drunkness one cold night during their 1st semester was to blame. It started from there: the evident awkwardness, the deducing amount of conversations, the indirect disagreements, the distance that came right after. Jaemin thinks back: _What ever happened to us? What ever happened to not finding one without the other?_

He doesn't notice how far Jeno has pedaled and snaps out of his trance when the older boy starts to speak again.

"What's up?" He asks.

"I don't know." He answers immediately. "We're graduating? I guess that deserves a hooray."

"Any plans after graduation? Like, during vacation or something?"

He shrugs. "What about you?"

"I figured I should reminisce on the things I missed out on." He explains. "Starting with you, that is."

"Oh," he mutters. "Don't you have any plans with Renjun and the others?"

He coughs. "Well, I do-- but... I--" Jaemin suddenly remembers what happened two weeks ago. _Oh boy, stupid, stupid, stupid_ \--

"Shit, I'm sorry. That was insensitive."

"No, it's fine, Jaemin. It's actually really fine."

"It isn't," he says, but Jeno only looks at him apologetically. "I shouldn't even be--"

"Why don't I just tell you the story?" Jaemin finds himself nodding.

"Okay."

"As you know, well, I think everyone is partially aware at this point." He chuckles gravely. "Me and Injun-- we kind of, like, broke it off." It isn't surprising at all; Jeno and Renjun had only been the it pairing of their university for a couple of weeks. Everyone had talked at least once about how they were hardly an odd pair, but _why not Jaemin? What about Jaemin? What did Jaemin think about this? How about Jaemin? Why is he not with Jaemin? Is Jaemin fine with this? Where is Jaemin? Jaemin? Jaemin Jaemin Jaemin Jaem--_

"Yeah," Jaemin nods. "I heard it from him first."

"Really?"

"He said it was something about... like, toothpaste, or something."

"Let's just say he wanted me to move somewhere else with him after graduation. At first, we were so enthusiastic and we talked about all the things we could do together, but suddenly we were talking about school and money and-- the fucking weather, or something-- and, yeah, I think he completely lost it. You can guess where things go from there."

"Was it hard?" He asks as Jeno swerves the bike to park it on the bridge railing. The older boy shakes his head.

"I know I must sound like the biggest douche, but it really wasn't. I had this gut feeling that Injun wanted it to end too. After I told him, he didn't seem like he was about to cry in the very least. We still talk to each other and everything, but it doesn't feel heavy, or shitty, or whatever."

"So you're saying it was a mutual decision?"

"Pretty much." He laughs a little. "Well, that's over."

"We should head down now."

Jeno leads him down the stairway with a firm grip on his wrist. The breeze starts to hit Jaemin then, and suddenly he feels too hyper-aware of the warm hand circled around his wristbone.

They run down the stairs and take off their shoes as they get closer and closer to the shore. Jaemin kneels down to fold his jogging pants and admires the feeling of the sand beneath his feet. He looks up and spots Jeno dashing through the water, a big smile on his handsome face.

Jaemin runs after him. This was the moment he decided that he wanted this after all. Jeno holds his hand and twirls him in the water. They both laugh at the gesture. Jeno's laugh stands out incredibly despite the sound of the waves hitting against the rocks, and suddenly Jaemin feels like everything is coming back to him; he'll figure that right now is the only thing he'll ever need.

Minutes that felt like seconds last. They play like kids in the water, splashing and pouncing and laughing at one another without a single care in the world. Both the past and the future completely forgotten. Jaemin looks at Jeno and feels like they're the only people that exist.

"I used to have this idea," Jeno starts when he glides his hand through the water and runs it through his hair. "The first thing I'd want to do when I get a car and a driver's license is to take you to the beach. It's pretty childish, I guess. Can you imagine that?" (Yes, Jaemin does imagine it; he envisions warmth, the sun, the sand under bare feet, cool hawaiian shirts, bar cocktails with weird names, jamming to some station song blasting through the radio as they set up their parasol... but most of all, he thinks of the sunset, the different hues of red and orange and how good they would look illuminated on Jeno's face.) The younger boy nods in response.

Jeno continues. "Yeah, well. The funny thing is, the fantasy doesn't work with anybody else. Not with Jisung, or Hyuck or even Injunnie. Maybe it comes off as a bit selfish, how I'm telling you all these things after months of avoiding you, which I'm still regretful for, just so you know-- but really, I think, in my mind, it just works best with you, even after everything. Does that make any sense?"

He finds himself walking back to the dry sand before he manages a response. "It makes perfect sense," he says with a smile. But the voice at the back of his head knows he's lying. In lieu of elaborating, he plops down on the sand, his hair now tussled in with the little particles that find their way there.

"I just feel like this is the last chance I'll ever get to have. To bring you anywhere, or-- I don't know, talk to you. I know you must _hate_ me now, but... when I thought about running up to your apartment and asking you to come with me, I knew you'd just-- I knew it wouldn't work with anyone else."

"Ha. It's just because you know I can never say no to you, Jen."

"No." Jeno gulps. "It's different." Now, that confession was undoubtedly real. Relief washes over Jaemin like the seawater soaking his feet; only once at a time, but with waves that were sometimes too little, sometimes too big for him to take.

Jaemin doesn't ask any further.

He tilts his head back to admire the breeze, not noticing the exact moment Jeno decided to sit right next to him on the sand.

"Hey," he greets. Jaemin laughs.

"Hey."

"Are you thinking about something?"

He doesn't want to get ahead of himself and say he's thinking about Jeno, so he shrugs and says "I'm scared of tomorrow."

"What about tomorrow? We're just graduating. It's not a big deal."

"It kind of is." He retorts, and Jeno falls silent.

"Well, when you think about it like that..."

"Don't you just get, well, I don't know...terrified, I guess?" Jaemin sits up, starts, the cold breeze whooshing through his hair. "Like, of what might happen in the future? What if this one thing won't end up how you want it to be? What if there isn't always a right thing to do? A good thing to find? What if you're forced to let go of something important to keep everything else in tact?"

"It's... horrifying," Jeno comments. "That's really all I have to say."

"It sure as hell is." He says. "And it's kind of pressuring to know that what I'm worried about shouldn't even be a problem in the first place. It's just-- What if I don't like where I am a year or two from now? It's weird. Moving on means you leave something behind, too, doesn't it?"

"You're oddly pessimistic." Jeno replies.

"It's just sad when you think about it!" He utters in a light voice. "You can't just be in two places at once, right? You can't just take something back once you've lost it."

"I get that a lot." He laughs. "Making decisions come in your life for a reason. That's exactly why you have to grasp whatever's in front of you. Especially if you know it's what you want. You can't miss that passing chance. You have to reach out..." -- Jeno's face feels a little closer, and Jaemin was damn sure his hand was hastily flying its way to the crook of his neck -- "...and... you know, touch it."

Suddenly, Jeno inches closer to Jaemin's face, his breath hitching when his mind screams at him to do it, _just do it_ , but not until Jaemin backs away from him, shooing him away with his shaking arms. "What are you doing?" His eyes are blown. There's a moment of stunted silence where they both just blankly stare at each other like they didn't know if what happened, what _might_ have happened, was a good thing or a bad thing.

Jeno is brought back to reality when he realizes what it could mean, when it finally occurs to him that the beautiful glints in Jaemin's eyes have been tears threatening to fall all along.

He stares at Jaemin's flinching body. _He's scared._

"Jaemin-- no, Nana, I'm--" He rambles. "I didn't-- I wasn't thinking--"

"You--" The first teardrop slides down his cheeks the same moment his voice cracks.

"Nana--"

"Stop, fucking stop--"

"Don't freak out, please--"

"You're _fucking_ unfair." Jaemin stutters out through his tears.

"Jaemin." The strain in his voice is a naked plea, and it rings against the younger boy's ears like a wake-up call.

He bawls out. "Don't fucking talk to me like that!"

Jeno just stares at him now, his mouth slowly closing as he backs away. "I'm sorry--"

"You stop talking to me for months then break up with Renjun then barge back into my life two weeks later like it's nothing. And then you start talking me into coming with you because you're nostalgic and emotional and shit like that, and you keep saying all these things and-- now you try to kiss me and you... you fuck it up. What do you think I'd feel? Did you think I'd just want to get on with it because I wanted it longer than you did? Do I look _that_ desperate to you, Jeno!? God, honestly, I don't know what the fuck you thought was going to happen!"

"Nana-- don't." He mutters. Jeno isn't sure he's allowed to be anywhere near the younger boy at this moment. "Don't cry, please. I'm sorry. Fuck, I hate it when you cry..."

"You're an asshole." He isn't stopping himself from bawling like a child anymore. "In case you didn't know,"

"I do-- Nana, I just-- I never--" and suddenly Jeno's voice is wavering too. "I never want you to be sad because of me."

"But I always am." Jaemin says without hesitance. "Because of you."

"I know, Nana, I--" He gulps. "If I could just make this hurt less for you, for the both of us--" Jaemin opens his mouth to retort, but he knows deep down that he doesn't want to blame Jeno for anything he's gone through, doesn't want him to feel any more guilty than he already is.

"Well, it hurts." Jeno bites his lips at that. "It's still going to fucking hurt."

"Don't say that, Nana."

"Then what should I do?" He tries to make it seem like a joke. "Laugh it off like I always do? I'm tired of that, Jen." _I'm tired of this but I could never have the heart or the guts to tell you._

"I don't know." It doesn't feel like it. "I just want you to stay."

Jaemin musters all the courage to stand up and form a smile as he looks down at the older boy.

"You know what," he takes the sharpest inhale he can manage. "It's like, 3 in the morning. We should head back, right?"

"Huh?"

"I said we should head back, don't you think?" Jeno can't believe he's pretending that nothing happened. The younger boy feigns a stretch, and smiles at Jeno again like it's the easiest thing he's ever done.

Jeno can't believe this.

The whole bicycle ride back to Jaemin's apartment had been spent in complete silence. There was no laughter. Jeno feels his heart sink clearer now that Nana felt far away. Jaemin steps out the exact moment Jeno takes a halt in front of his complex. He removes the helmet and ruffles the sand out of his hair. He was ready to run up his room before the older boy grabs him by his arm.

"I'll walk you there."

"No need, Jeno-ya."

His grip grows tighter. "Let me end tonight properly."

Jaemin pauses. "Yeah. Okay."

They head up the stairs, Jaemin pacing a little faster than the boy behind him. He hopes this could end as fast and as painless as possible, but he walks down the corridor and looks back at Jeno to see that he has completely stopped in his tracks.

"Please." He isn't sure what he's asking for. "Believe me now, Nana."

"Believe you?" Jaemin tries to laugh as he stands at his doorstep, fishing for the keys in his pocket.

"Could we just..?" Jeno pins him to the door. He drops his keys and feels his cheeks flush pure red.

"Jeno..." He mumbles out in shaky breaths. He should've known it wasn't over.

"I always overthink and you know it, Nana," he explains. "Let me do something thoughtless for once in my life."

"What--" before he could say anything else, Jeno was back at it again, lips quivering, shaky hands crawling up his cheeks. Jaemin forces his eyes shut _. Don't think about it. Don't think about it_. But nothing comes.

He opens his eyes again and Jeno is crying. He tries to pry his hands away but Jaemin locks them where they are. No matter how ineffectual it is, he wants to scream at Jeno, but he knows there's nothing he can do now but hug him. Hug him until they both feel a little better.

"I'm sorry--"

"You said you weren't going to think about it--"

"I know. I'm stupid. I don't want to make you feel bad, Nana. I could kiss you and it would be alright and we'd finally be okay but it would still hurt." He cries. "It's just like you said. Why can't I just--"

Jaemin hugs him tighter and starts to cry again. "Jen, no..."

"I was hurting too, you know. All those times when we were apart. All those times you were across from me but couldn't even look me in the eye. All those times and moments I could've spent laughing with the most beautiful person in the world. All those times Renjun kept dragging me for being with him when I was in love with someone else. All those times you were a yank away. It couldn't have been for nothing."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true, right? The world was giving me all these signs and telling me something, but I still lost my damn chance."

Jaemin pulls out from the hug to look at Jeno directly. He isn't sure if he should be sad or furious, but neither of those emotions could've stopped him from kissing Lee Jeno then and there. The first touch of their lips throws him off. Jeno's hand is suddenly on his waist, pulling him close. Jaemin whimpers at this, and he feels a sob break out but not until Jeno pushes it back in. It had been like that for what lasted like hours, reaching out and touching each other like this moment took their whole lives in the making. Na Jaemin would never have thought a kiss could complete him so much. It feels life-changing.

Everything felt okay.

He doesn't think of anything else. He doesn't think of what might happen or what might change right after. _This was it. And he was going to take it._

They pull away a little too quick for comfort, but the look on Jeno's face makes Jaemin want to kiss him again.

"What just happened." Jeno mumbles. Jaemin can't help but laugh at the sudden comment.

"Let's just say it was a really stupid thing, alright? I could do a lot more impulsive things in my lifetime. But this? I don't care how stupid or shameless or unfair you think I look or you look right now. I just-- I know I'm fucking sure of you. I wanted things to be what they should be-- I wanted..." He gulps again. "You."

In the heat of the moment, Jeno suddenly starts dashing off and riding his bike before he quickly pedals away, his flustered face standing out even in the night sky. The younger boy smiles and even blushes a little at this. Jaemin can't find it in himself to be angry because he knows it's what Jeno, being the impulsive coward he was, would exactly do. He sleeps that night with the promise of Lee Jeno's apology to look forward to in the morning.

The apology comes sooner than later, because the moment he tells his parents that he'll see them at the ceremony and steps on their school's front gate, Chenle and Renjun are already serenading him with one of his favorite love songs.

Jisung appears between them with a pack of store-bought chocolate in his hand. He doesn't look cooperative in the least, but Jaemin was still glad that he was there anyway. Jisung hands it to him while he scratches his head.

Mark and Hyuck cheer from the sidelines as Jeno walks in front of Jaemin, a folded paper rose in his hand.

"Uhm," Jaemin looks around. This was certainly too extravagant compared to his own expectations. "How did you plan all this?"

"I talked to them." Jaemin swoons. He's a little impressed, considering Jeno had probably gone home at 3 a.m. and immediately texted all their friends about the plan the moment he touched his phone.

"Seriously, then--"

"Let me get to the point, Nana."

He looks at the paper rose. "Did you make that?"

"Injunnie-- look, Nana. Let me finish." He whines.

"Wah, Renjun, so cool--"

Jeno pouts and speaks a little loudly. "The thing is, Jaemin,"

Jaemin bursts out a laugh at the older boy's reaction. "This is so nice." There really was no need for an apology. Jeno finds himself smiling then.

"I--" Jeno pinches his lips together. "I'm sorry, Nana."

"Don't be sorry."

"Forgive me."

He shakes his head. "Nothing to forgive."

"I should just--"

"Oh, shut up." He rolls his eyes playfully.

They're halted from their moment when the principal speaks through the intercom for all the students to gather at the auditorium.

"We should all go." Jaemin says. Jisung and the others walk ahead as Jeno and Jaemin move a little slower, walking in their own pace.

"Do you want to say something?" The younger boy says. "You know, before we go inside..."

Jeno holds Jaemin's hand before he heads in, causing the younger boy to tilt his head with a questioning look. Jeno smiles.

"I love you, Na Jaemin." He says. And for the most part, in the moment, a couple of quick glances and toothy smiles from across the school auditorium, Jaemin finally believes him.

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first work in the fandom or in any kpop fandom in general lmao... im relatively new so idk how things work and it might be ooc or smth but i wanted to put this out anyway bc it means a lot to me and i hope it will be the same for other ppl too
> 
> i specifically made this fic nomin because man those two just grew on me.. they are the softest and dorkiest angels fight me abt it
> 
> if ure looking for a mood setter... elan noon's blue and could it be are definitely it, chief
> 
> comments and kudos are very vERY VERY much appreciated.


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